1
00:00:01,590 --> 00:00:03,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )

2
00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:08,090
Yes, hi, information. Uh,

3
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:11,600
I was hoping to get the number
for Larson's Hardware.

4
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,600
Okay. Thanks, thanks, thanks.

5
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,100
555-8436.

6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:20,610
555-8436.

7
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,110
Helen, do you have a quarter for
the phone?

8
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:23,110
Yeah, that's right.

9
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,110
Three cases of 7UP, four V8.
555...

10
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:26,610
8436...
No, make that four 7UP--

11
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:30,610
Uh, Roy, do you have 25 cents
for the phone?

12
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:33,120
Departing at 4:35.
555...

13
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120
8436.
Oh, that's fine.

14
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,620
Meet you at the corner
Need a quarter.

15
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,120
of Third and Maine at 12:45.
Phone.

16
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,130
1:15?
8436...

17
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:43,630
5--
Aeromass Flight 27,

18
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:46,130
formerly Flight 19
departing from Gate 1,

19
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,130
is now Flight 21
departing from Gate 2.

20
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:50,130
555-8436.

21
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:51,640
Helen. Helen, for God's sake,

22
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,640
do you have a quarter
for the phone?

23
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,140
I-- 555-8436. 5--

24
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,640
Helen. Muah, muah, muah.

25
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,150
555-8436.

26
00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:03,150
555-8436.

27
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:06,650
Ah. Larson's Hardware.
Oh, great.

28
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,650
Oh. Listen, uh,
do you have any--?

29
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:15,160
You have any idea why I called?

30
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,160
( upbeat theme playing )

31
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,670
Lowell, got the plane all gassed
up and ready to go?

32
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,170
Yeah, it's all gassed up, Joe.

33
00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:26,670
But it's not going anywhere.

34
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,670
What? Why?
Ah,

35
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,670
the old pump's leaking
like a sieve.

36
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:31,180
Ah, damn it.

37
00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:33,680
Well, how fast can you
put in a new one.

38
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,680
Uh, take about 20 minutes.
Okay, good.

39
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,180
But we don't have one.

40
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,680
Why the hell not?

41
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,190
Well,
when I wanted to stock it

42
00:01:41,190 --> 00:01:43,690
you said we didn't have
the money, Mr. Curse Words.

43
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:52,200
Roy, look, I know that I'm
the competition and everything,

44
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,700
but I'm in a real bind here.

45
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,700
I need a spare oil pump.
You got one?

46
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:59,200
What's that Pilot Hackett
of Sandpiper Air?

47
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,710
Your only aircraft
is malfunctioning again

48
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,210
and you have no spare parts?

49
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,710
Thanks. Thanks, Roy.

50
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,210
Anytime. Anytime.

51
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,720
Lowell, order a pump.
Yes, sir.

52
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,220
Fay,
announce the cancellation.

53
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:17,720
Uh,
attention Sandpiper passengers,

54
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,220
due to mechanical difficulties,

55
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:22,730
we are cancelling flight number
25 to Boston.

56
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:24,230
( all groaning )

57
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,730
Would you rather go home
in a body bag?

58
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:32,240
Fay.
Joe, it's basic psychology.

59
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,740
They were upset.
Now they're glad to be alive.

60
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,740
Joe,
we heard the announcement,

61
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,240
what is it this time?
What's going on?

62
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,750
What's go--?
I'll tell you what's going on.

63
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:44,750
The plane broke down again.
I had to cancel another flight.

64
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,750
I'm screwed,
that's what's going on.

65
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,750
Gee, you're just replacing
that old plane piece by piece.

66
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,260
Yeah, why don't you
just buy a new one.

67
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:54,260
Now, that is a great idea.

68
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,760
I know I have a couple
of hundred thousand dollars

69
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,260
around here somewhere.

70
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,770
Oh, darn it,
I left it in my other pants.

71
00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:05,270
Got any other good suggestions?
I got a suggestion for you.

72
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,770
Why don't you take a flying--
He can't, doesn't have a plane.

73
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:10,780
Ha, ha.
Oh, man, you know,

74
00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:12,280
I can't take this anymore.

75
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,780
I can't even keep the one plane
I have in the air.

76
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:17,280
If I'm ever gonna make anything
out of this airline

77
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,780
I've gotta find an investor.

78
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,780
Even if it means giving up
part of the company.

79
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:23,290
No, you know, I don't like
the sound of those guys.

80
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,790
They come here,
expect us to work even harder

81
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,290
than we already do.

82
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,790
You work 18 hours a week.

83
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,800
You know me, I'm a giver.

84
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,800
Well, listen, I've heard all
about these business sharks.

85
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,300
First some snotty MBA comes in,

86
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,810
and hires a bunch
of smiley bimbos

87
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,310
to youthify our image,

88
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:44,310
then they loop the pension fund,

89
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:46,310
force me into a nursing home,

90
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,310
where I spend the rest
of my days sitting alone,

91
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:50,820
listening to the sound of bugs

92
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:53,320
slamming themselves against
the florescent lights.

93
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,820
Hey, Fay's on board.

94
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,820
( upbeat theme playing )

95
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:06,330
All right, let's go over
this one more time.

96
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:10,330
Brian is flying a very important
man over here right now.

97
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,840
His name is?

98
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,840
BOTH: Davis Lynch.
Good. Now,

99
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,840
it is important for us to be
extremely nice to him,

100
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,840
because he is?

101
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,340
BOTH: The money guy.
Great. Good. Okay, now.

102
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:23,350
You gotta remember these people
are extremely serious,

103
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,350
button-down three-piece
suit types.

104
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,350
So if we're gonna convince him
to invest in us,

105
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,350
we have to--
Kiss his--

106
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,850
Fay.

107
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:32,360
Oh, well, I'm sorry,
it's just the way I feel.

108
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,860
Sandpiper is a really nice
little family operation.

109
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,360
Do you wanna go
and ruin everything

110
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,370
by turning it into
a successful business?

111
00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:43,870
Hey. I'm there for you, Joe.

112
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:46,870
If you wanna ruin Sandpiper,
hey, you can count on me.

113
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:50,370
Hackett, you're dreaming.
No company worth a damn

114
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,880
is gonna waste
it's time on you.

115
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,380
What's the matter, Roy, afraid
of a little serious competition?

116
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380
Not as long as you're here,
skippy.

117
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,890
Hey, hey.
Hey.

118
00:05:01,890 --> 00:05:03,390
Hey, have you got him?
Is Lynch here?

119
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,390
Yeah. He's right behind me,
and don't worry,

120
00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:07,890
he's feeling much better now.
And to think I made fun of you

121
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:09,390
for Scotchgarding the seats.

122
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:11,400
What?

123
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,400
Mr. Lynch, hi. Uh, Joe Hackett.

124
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,400
I'm really sorry, I heard you
had a pretty rough flight.

125
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,900
If there's anything I can do--
Joe, Joe.

126
00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:24,910
Uh, you're Davis Lynch?

127
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,410
Yeah, you're Joe Hackett?

128
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,410
Yeah.

129
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:31,420
Congratulations, Joe, that was
the worst flight of my life.

130
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:34,420
And I was once
in a midair collision.

131
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:41,430
I-- I am so sorry.
Look, why don't we go over here

132
00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:42,930
and get you something
to settle your stomach.

133
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:43,930
Helen.
Yeah.

134
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:45,430
Uh, this is Davis Lynch,

135
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:47,930
that very important visitor
I was telling you about.

136
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,930
You're kidding.
Uh, I mean, nice to meet you.

137
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:52,440
Uh, I think she was
expecting somebody

138
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,940
a little more stuffy,
staid, you know.

139
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:57,940
More like, well, you.

140
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,940
Ha. Ah, Helen, he's feeling
a little queasy from the flight

141
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,450
do you have--
Joe.

142
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:04,950
That's no way to introduce me
to a beautiful woman.

143
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,950
Hi. I'm Davis Lynch

144
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:11,460
and I'm incredibly nauseous.

145
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:14,460
You know, just the other day
I was talking with my friends

146
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:16,960
and I said, "you know, if only
I could meet a nauseous man,

147
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,460
my life would be complete."

148
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:21,970
Coming up.

149
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:23,970
Nauseous, huh?

150
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:27,470
Uh, did never happen to me.
I can eat just about anything.

151
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,970
Well, that's not true. There's
one thing I can't stomach.

152
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,480
It's when you
take a bite a chicken

153
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,480
and a big old vein comes
snapping back at you.

154
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:41,490
Thank you.
Uh, this is Lowell Mather,

155
00:06:41,490 --> 00:06:43,490
our chief mechanic.

156
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,990
Charmed.

157
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,990
So, listen, Joe, whenever
the money guy gets here,

158
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,990
let me know,
I'll help you suck up.

159
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:56,000
Uh, come on,
why don't I, uh,

160
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,500
introduce you to the rest
of our staff.

161
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,010
Uh, course, you already know
my brother, Brian.

162
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,010
Oh, yeah, the, uh,
grossly underpaid,

163
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:07,510
underappreciated
brains of the operation.

164
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:11,020
Oh, we were just
making small talk, you know.

165
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,020
And, uh, Fay Cochran,
our head of reservations.

166
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:18,020
You ever tasted the food
in a nursing home?

167
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,520
No,
but I occasionally drop in

168
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,530
for a sponge bath.

169
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,530
Okay, here you go.

170
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,530
What's in it?
Uh,

171
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,530
let's see.
Soda, bitters, Pepto-Bismol,

172
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:32,540
soy sauce, aspirin, and a little
bitty shot of bug spray.

173
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:35,040
She's kidding.
Yes, I'm kidding.

174
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,540
I was out of aspirin.

175
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,550
God, what a smile.

176
00:07:41,550 --> 00:07:44,550
Oh, thanks, I've been using
this new anti-plaque--

177
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:47,050
Not you. Her.

178
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,050
Although I must say your breath
is minty fresh.

179
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,060
I know, Joe,
you're saving it all up

180
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:55,560
for one big chuckle.

181
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,560
No,
I-I thought it was funny.

182
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,570
So, uh, let me get these papers
that you asked for.

183
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,570
I have here the, uh,
business plan,

184
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,570
tax returns,
and the profits and losses.

185
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,070
Good. Good, good, good.

186
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,570
But, you know,
first I think I'd like to

187
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:13,080
familiarize myself
with the community,

188
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,080
maybe, uh, take a little whirl
around the island.

189
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,580
I've learned you don't invest
in business,

190
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,580
you invest in people.

191
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,580
Great. Sure,
I'd be glad to show you around.

192
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,590
Uh.

193
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:25,090
But--
You rather go with

194
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:26,590
someone like...

195
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,090
Helen?
Mmm.

196
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:32,100
Oh, oh, great, yeah,
no problem, she'd love to.

197
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,100
Is she single?
Single and available.

198
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,600
Uh,
I'll go get her for you.

199
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,600
But, first, Fay,
why don't you show Mr. Lynch

200
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,100
the office
and the hangar.

201
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,110
Oh, certainly, Joe.

202
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:45,110
And right afterwards
I'll go dig my own grave.

203
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,620
Phew. That guy's a case,
isn't he?

204
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:54,620
Yeah.
How's it going?

205
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,120
Oh, great. Look, Helen,

206
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,620
I need a really huge favor.

207
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,120
Yeah.
Uh...

208
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,130
Could you maybe show Lynch
around the island?

209
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,630
Well, why me?

210
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:07,130
Well, uh...

211
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:10,130
I guess he's looking
for a little,

212
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:12,640
you know, companionship.

213
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,140
Oh, really.

214
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,140
So he wanted a girl,

215
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:17,640
and you just pointed at me.

216
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,140
No, no, no. He pointed at you
and I said okay.

217
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:23,650
Look, Helen,
just take him around

218
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,150
and show him a good time.

219
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,150
Excuse me.
Entertain him.

220
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,650
Give him the lay of the land.

221
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:31,660
Oh, wait. Oh, boy,
that came out wrong.

222
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:33,660
I'm just trying
to keep him happy.

223
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,160
This is, believe me,
completely harmless.

224
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,660
Yeah, it starts with a little
harmless sightseeing tour,

225
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,660
and before you know it,
I'm tied up in his hotel room

226
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:43,170
dialing 911 with my nose.

227
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,170
Now, do you still want me
to do it, Joe?

228
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,670
Would you?
Oh. Forget it, Joe.

229
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,170
Helen,
nothing is gonna happen.

230
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,170
Look, Helen,
this is not just my business

231
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:52,680
we're talking about.
It's my life.

232
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,680
Lynch is the only guy
who would even return my calls.

233
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:59,680
With his help I could maybe
turn Sandpiper into something,

234
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,690
instead of just limping along
like I do now.

235
00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:04,690
Please, Helen, is there any way
you can help me out?

236
00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:08,190
So even if did,
who would watch my counter?

237
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:11,190
Antonio would be happy to.

238
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:12,700
Would be happy to what?

239
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:15,200
To watch Helen's counter.

240
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,200
Uh, for 50 bucks.

241
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,700
You're right,
Antonio would be happy to.

242
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:23,710
And here we are
back at Sandpiper,

243
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,210
my second home,

244
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:28,210
my reason for living.

245
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,710
Did I mention
I have no savings?

246
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,720
Repeatedly. Joe.

247
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,220
J-just one second.
Helen, please.

248
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,220
I hate this, Joe.
I really hate this.

249
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720
I'll do it.
Oh, thank you.

250
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,720
Here's Helen.

251
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,730
She's all yours.

252
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:47,230
Thanks, Hackett.
Don't wait up.

253
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,730
( melancholic theme playing )

254
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:52,240
He seemed nice.

255
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,240
( upbeat theme playing )

256
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,240
( humming )

257
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,250
Ah. Welcome, sir.

258
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:05,250
How can I help you?

259
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:07,750
Uh,
give me a cheeseburger.

260
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:11,260
Yes, of course,
I could give you a cheeseburger,

261
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:14,760
but, uh,
instead I am offering you

262
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,260
a delightful veal piccata

263
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,260
on a bed of homemade capellini,

264
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,260
a recipe that has been
in my family

265
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:23,770
over a hundred years.

266
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,770
Give me a cheeseburger.

267
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:28,770
Fine. Coming right up.

268
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,770
One greasy gray glob

269
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,280
of saturated fat.

270
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,790
So?
Have you heard from Helen yet?

271
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:45,290
Oh, please, Helen is fine.

272
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:47,790
It's Lynch I'm worried about.
You know how Helen is.

273
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,790
She might insult him
and blow this whole deal.

274
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,300
Doesn't it bother you

275
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:53,800
that you're treating her
like some kind of party favor.

276
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,800
It's just another
example of how

277
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,800
big business corrupts.

278
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,300
So what's next, bossman?

279
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,810
Topless stewardesses?

280
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,310
Throw in a bottomless
cup of coffee,

281
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:08,310
we got ourselves a gimmick
Oh.

282
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,310
What's up?

283
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:12,820
Joe sent Helen off
to entertain Lynch.

284
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,820
Bad move, man.
Bad move.

285
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:15,820
You're damn right it is.

286
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,820
This is Helen
we're talking about here,

287
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,330
you should've sent somebody
who'd actually sleep with him.

288
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,830
You're both pigs.

289
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,830
Thanks a lot, Joey.

290
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:28,330
Thanks a lot for turning me
into the following.

291
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:32,340
Wait, honey, I didn't mean it.

292
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,340
Frankly, Joe Hackett,

293
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,840
I'm more than a little
disappointed in your judgment.

294
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,350
Sending Helen off with that
Lynch guy to be his tour guide.

295
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,350
Come on, not you too.
Ha,

296
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:46,350
I got a message for you,
little mister.

297
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,850
Nobody gives a better tour
of Nantucket than Lowell Mather.

298
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:52,360
Yes, you may think of me

299
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,360
as just another greasy mechanic,

300
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,860
but you get me out
of these coveralls,

301
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,360
I can show any man a good time.

302
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,370
Hey, Roy. Uh, just--

303
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,370
Just a minute. Um...

304
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,370
Let me ask you
a hypothetical question.

305
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:12,880
If you were thinking about

306
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,380
doing business with some guy,

307
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,880
and, uh,

308
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,380
he set you up with a woman,
what would you expect from her?

309
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,880
Hackett,
you can quit blowing smoke,

310
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,890
I know this is about Helen.

311
00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:24,390
You treated her
like some cheap hooker.

312
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,390
You threw her at some

313
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:29,390
horny rich guy.

314
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:32,900
Come here you.

315
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,900
( upbeat theme playing )

316
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,410
( upbeat theme playing )

317
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,910
Hey,
you know what would be fun?

318
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,420
Let's rent two crab suits,

319
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,920
come back here
with giant mallets,

320
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,420
and scare the hell
out of these people.

321
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,920
It was kind of funny,
wasn't it?

322
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,930
I'm sorry, I have a big problem.

323
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,430
What?

324
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:05,930
I am having

325
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:08,930
a great time.

326
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,930
And that's a problem because...?

327
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:13,440
Because I'm mad at Joe.
He used me.

328
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,440
We're supposed to be
best friends.

329
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,440
The more fun I have, the harder
it is to be mad at him.

330
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,440
You know, actually Helen,

331
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,940
I've got kind of a problem
myself.

332
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,450
See, I can never remember,

333
00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:25,950
when it's on the outside
it's the salad hammer, right?

334
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:28,450
So, folks, what'll it be?

335
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,950
Well,
what do you got?

336
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:32,460
We only serve crab.

337
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:35,960
I see.
So what would you recommend?

338
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,460
We only

339
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,960
serve crab.

340
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,470
Uh, two crabs dinners
will be fine.

341
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,970
I think he likes me.

342
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,470
Oh,
I think he thinks you're insane.

343
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,970
You've been like this
all day.

344
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,480
I mean, you're supposed to be
this hotshot businessman,

345
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:53,480
you can't even be serious
for 30 seconds.

346
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,480
Thirty seconds, huh?
Okay, here goes.

347
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,980
I spent eight years

348
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,980
at the biggest investment bank
on Wall Street.

349
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:03,490
But I woke up one morning and I
realized I rather shoot myself

350
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:05,490
than spend another day
in that stuffy office,

351
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:08,990
so I quit, started my own firm,
and I never looked back.

352
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:11,500
And as long as
I'm being serious, Helen,

353
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:14,000
I think you're the most
beautiful,

354
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000
charming, intelligent woman
I've met in a long time,

355
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,500
and I haven't been able to take
my eyes off you all day.

356
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,010
And not only that,
you are the most--

357
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,010
Oh, that's it, time's up.
No.

358
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,010
[LAUGHING]
What?

359
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:29,010
Wait, let me talk to that other
guy a second please.

360
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:31,010
What other guy?
The, uh,

361
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,520
Mr. 30 seconds.

362
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,020
Little tip.
Never call a man Mr. 30 seconds.

363
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,030
Is your name Mr. Lynch?

364
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:45,030
Yes,
my parents were very formal.

365
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,530
Oh.

366
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,530
Well...

367
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,540
You have a phone call.

368
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,540
Oh.
Must be the office.

369
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:57,540
Helen...
Go.

370
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,040
I picked out

371
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,050
a real nice crab for you.

372
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,550
Thank you.

373
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:12,560
Helen.
Joe, what are you doing here?

374
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,560
I'm the one
that had him paged.

375
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,060
Are you all right?
Oh, yeah, I'm--

376
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,560
Well, you know, I'm doing okay
under the circumstances.

377
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:23,070
Oh, man, you know, it's horrible
that I shoved you with this guy.

378
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,570
Look, why don't you go home

379
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:27,070
and I'll handle this like
I should've from the beginning.

380
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,570
No, Joe, don't do that.

381
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,070
I'm gonna do everything
I can to get you this money,

382
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,080
and I'm not just talking
about dinner. That's nothing.

383
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,080
I'm gonna take him back
to his hotel,

384
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,080
and I'm gonna show him
a night he'll never forget.

385
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,580
Boy, when he wakes up
in the morning you're not

386
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:43,090
just gonna have a plane, Joe,
you're gonna have a whole fleet.

387
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:46,090
All right, okay.
I guess I deserved that.

388
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,590
The important thing
is you're all right.

389
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,590
I'm fine.
Good.

390
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,090
That's all I really care about.

391
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,600
So am I gonna get the money?

392
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,600
Well, whoever it was
must've hung up.

393
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,600
Oh, hi, Hackett.
Hi.

394
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,100
Who had the crab?

395
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:06,110
So, Hackett,
what are you doing here?

396
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:09,110
Well, I was just leaving, but,
you know, as long as I'm here,

397
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:12,120
uh, I was wondering
if maybe you had time

398
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,120
to go over those papers
that I gave you this afternoon.

399
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,120
Yeah, as a matter of fact I did,
but, uh,

400
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,120
let's talk about that tomorrow.

401
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:23,130
As long as we're here,
I think we both

402
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:25,130
would sleep a whole lot better

403
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:27,630
if we just got our business
out of the way right now.

404
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,630
Thank you.

405
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:32,140
Uh, so why don't you
just tell me,

406
00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:34,640
uh, am I getting the money?

407
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,640
No, Joe, you're not.

408
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,650
( laughing )

409
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,150
It's another one of your jokes,
right?

410
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,650
Joe, I never kid about business.

411
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:47,150
It's the numbers.

412
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,650
Num-- Numbers?

413
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,650
W-what's wrong with the numbers?

414
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:54,160
Saturation by the competition,
size of the marketplace.

415
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,660
What's wrong
with the marketpl--?

416
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,660
The marketplace is quite big,
large, ask anyone.

417
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,160
Joe, the risk is too great,
the profit's just not there.

418
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,170
What-- What do you mean?
I make profits sometimes.

419
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,170
Besides,
you're the guy that said

420
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,670
you don't invest in business,
you invest in people.

421
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,670
I really gotta stop saying that.

422
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:12,180
What-- So--

423
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:14,680
So that's it? That's it?

424
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,180
Well, now, Joe, just calm down.
No, I am calm. I am calm.

425
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:21,180
That's it? That is the reason--
No, no, I want the real reason.

426
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,190
We really should talk
about this tomorrow.

427
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:26,190
No. Not tomorrow.
Right here, right now.

428
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:29,190
All right, Joe, here it is.

429
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:31,190
You're small potatoes.

430
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:33,200
For the kind of business
that I do,

431
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,700
Sandpiper is just
small potatoes.

432
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,200
Come on, Helen, let's go.

433
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,210
Oh, well, Joe,
I think I'll stay.

434
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:45,710
You are gonna stay here
with him, Helen?

435
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:48,710
Right now, let's go. Come on.
Excuse me, I'm not your puppy.

436
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:49,710
Sit, Helen. Go, Helen.

437
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,710
No, I think I'll make up
my mind myself, thank you.

438
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:54,720
Fine. If you wanna stay,
that's you business, stay.

439
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,220
But I have my dignity.

440
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:58,220
And if I don't get my money,
I am leaving.

441
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,730
You're not
getting the money.

442
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,730
( upbeat theme playing )

443
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,240
Oh, so I guess you heard.

444
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,740
Lynch isn't giving us
the money.

445
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:16,240
Now I'm right back
where I started.

446
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,240
Any hope I had of making
something more

447
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,240
out of my life is shot to hell.

448
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,750
Alex is really mad at me.

449
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,250
Does the whole world
have to revolve

450
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,750
around your love life?

451
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,760
Wouldn't it be a magical place?

452
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,260
And another thing, man,
let me tell you something,

453
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,760
Helen is a person, okay?
She's a person.

454
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,770
She's not some lure you use
to reel in business.

455
00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:44,270
Right now,
at this moment,

456
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,270
I am ashamed
to be your brother.

457
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,770
You saw my reflection
in the windshield, didn't you?

458
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,270
Your hair looks great today.

459
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:54,280
You're pathetic.

460
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,280
You know, I-I really hate
that I'm getting good at this.

461
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,780
Honey.

462
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,290
Please.

463
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:07,290
All I want is coffee
and a doughnut.

464
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,290
I was up half the night

465
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:14,300
making biscotti from scratch.

466
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:18,300
All you want is a lousy,
stinkin' doughnut?

467
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,800
Get out of my sight.

468
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,310
Go away.

469
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,810
Shoo.
Antonio does not serve

470
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:28,310
peasants.

471
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:32,320
Hey, Antonio, thanks for
covering for me. How'd it go?

472
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,820
It's been slow,
I don't understand.

473
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,320
Helen. Uh,

474
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,830
Look, I've been thinking about
this all night, and, uh,

475
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:45,330
I owe you an apology.
No, it's okay, Joe.

476
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,830
No, it's not. I never should
have put you in that position.

477
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,830
And you had every right
to stick it to me

478
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:52,340
by staying with that guy.
Ooh, it's okay, Joe.

479
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:55,840
No, it's not okay. You never
should have spent one minute

480
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,840
with that boorish, arrogant,
self-important, pompous--

481
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,840
Where's the woman of my dreams?

482
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,350
Hey, you.

483
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,350
What?

484
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:09,350
I'll be back to see you
soon as I can.

485
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,850
I can't wait.

486
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:13,860
Bye, Hackett.
Sorry things didn't work out.

487
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:16,860
But, say, thanks for
introducing me to Helen.

488
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,860
Oh, Biggins,
I got those, uh,

489
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,360
figures you sent over
to the hotel,

490
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,870
they look pretty good.
I'll be in touch.

491
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:29,370
Wait-- What-- No--
Hey, what the hell is this?

492
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,880
I found him.
I flew him over here.

493
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:32,880
I wined him, I dined him,

494
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,880
and now you're gonna get
my money?

495
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,380
Come here, you.

496
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:38,380
( upbeat theme playing )

497
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:56,400
( upbeat piano theme playing )